Last week when Shamik was looking at a busty female jogging beside him, he saw a floater in front of his eyes. His eyesight required a check-up. He was also tired of wearing the wearisome five year old Vogue frame.

On Monday, he visited Line Opticals at Arjun Marg, DLF- I, after going through the motions of two time consuming idiotic conference calls for his company. A fat ophthalmologist  checked his vision, adjusted his bi-focal power to correct his presbyopia, and  showed him some fashionable round frames after quizzing him on his preferences.

Then the optometrist began his sales pitch, “Sir, eyewear in round shapes has the distinction of being both traditional – and new. Round frames have been favored from Benjamin Franklin to Gandhi,  Elton John and Harry Potter.” He showed Shamik some eye-catching rimless ones of Armani, Police and Lacoste. Shamik was then questioned on his fashion quotient and how he wanted to appear. Would he like to be seen as sophisticated, fun-loving, youthful, conservative or style-conscious ? As if all these are mutually exclusive.  And if he chooses to wear only one pair of eyeglasses for everything that he does, that says something about him, too! His focus was on how will Shamik be perceived rather than what he will perceive through his eyes. Shamik told him that his vision is unbounded and wants to increase his glad eye.

Without battling an eyelid, the Ophthalmologist said, “ Then take this Armani one – a vibrant bright green. Best suited for you, sir. These are the sexiest.”  He went on to select the photochromic glasses and make an invoice of Rs.15000.

Shamik Bagchi took delivery of the glasses after couple of days. It was a warm, balmy day and he had to meet Sanjay Yashraj, an aspiring lawyer, at the CCD of DLF Mega Mall. Shamik had never been fond of Sanjay, who had been one of his old school companions; and during the last two years he had seen him perhaps three to four times. In reality he perceived in Sanjay an aspirational personification of himself which he could not never become.

He was checking his looks on the rear view mirror of his car, when he heard a voice. A squeaky, impish one, of an adolescent. Stunned he looked around but could not find the source. The radio was off and his mobile was on silent. It again spoke, ‘ Hey, you will get late, Just put on your seatbelt and drive. Am your Armani.’ He took off his specs and looked at them closely. ‘ Yes, I can talk and will change your life, dumbo. Get going.’ Shamik looked at his green toy with amusement and put it back on. He had just bought an amazing spectacle which can talk. Probably the Armani got transformed at its change of hands and realized that it was now riding on a genius.

It spoke again, ‘ You are a failure, Shamik. A professional without any talent. You dream to sleep with beauties without having being able to do anything wild till now. Am directly connected to your libido and today you will get a taste of your remaining life with me.’

It remained silent for a moment and restarted, ‘ Lower your eyes and look at your penis. Am already started controlling it, though you are driving.’

Shamik looked down, taking his eyes off momentarily from the road and could see his organ enlarging.

‘ Once you stop at the mall, before going to see your friend, visit the washroom to get more insights,’ it instructed.

Shamik parked his car at Mega Mall basement and took the glass elevator to go to the second floor washroom. He was alone in the lift.

‘ Set your organ free,’ commanded Armani.

‘ Here in the lift ? Are you crazy ‘ admonished Shamik.

‘ No, here ! You must do it here and at once.’

‘ The lift has glass door and someone might see me with my organ hanging out.’

‘ That’s what I want. You will be the hero.’

So, there was nothing to be done. Shamik unzipped his fly to abate his curiosity. Unfortunately at that very moment the lift was passing through the first floor landing. The face of an old woman, a respectable lady with an emaciated countenance framed in white hair, was for a moment visible to Shamik beyond the glass, and she opened her eyes very wide at the sight.

In the washroom, Shamik locked himself in a cubicle, sat on the commode, stroked his elongated phallus and jerked off.

Contrary to his short, dark persona, Sanjay was tall and fair. On seeing Sanjay waiting for him at the coffee shop, Shamik’s first reaction was to avoid him. But his friend had already seen him and came forward to greet him. While Shamik still stay with his parents and have not yet married, Sanjay lived alone in a furnished apartment and spent his time in picking up variety actresses, models and even bored housewives. They talked about their respective jobs and parents for some time and then went out for a smoke.

Shamik then enquired about Sanjay’s girl friend, that is to say, after his last girl friend, with whom he had seen him about six months before. She had been an attractive young banker, though like all Sanjay’s women, a bit snobbish. “ And how is Malvika ?”

Sanjay stopped to relight his cigarette which had gone out. Shamik observed that his question had produced an effect which was too obvious but not easy to define. “ Ah, Malvika – you remember her, do you ?” he said in a sarcastic tone.  “ Perhaps it’ll please you to hear that this very day we’ve parted for good and all.”

“ Why will it please me ?” asked Shamik in surprise.

Sanjay went on : “ Malvika is a …” and here he uttered an ugly word that startled Shamik, “ I was completely fed up with her and so I told her to get out. That pleases you, doesn’t it ?”

“ It doesn’t please me in the least,” said Shamik, embarrassed; “ on the contrary, I’m sorry..”

Sanjay stopped and looked him up and down with a sardonic expression. “ You’re a nice kind of person,” he said , “ So, you’re sorry, are you ?”

“ Yes, I’m sorry.”

“ You’re shameless.”

“ But I …”

“ You like Malvika, quite a lot, don’t you ? And now you’re pleased that she isn’t my girl friend any longer.” Sanjay paused for a moment, relishing, apparently, the bitterness contained in these words. Then he added contemptuously : “ A fine sort of friend, certainly..but of course all friends are the same. They all aim at making a cuckold of you.”

Somewhat nervously Shamik said, “ But I assure you that I ..”

His friend interrupted him. “ Do you think I didn’t notice you that day when we went to see that stupid Shahrukh Khan movie and then had dinner together ? I’m not blind, you know…Anyway it’s only human..”

“ But that day…really…”

“Let me drop you in front of Malvika’s office. You have to do something for me.”

Sanjay literally pushed Shamik into his car which was parked outside and started driving towards MG Road.

“ Now,” said Sanjay, stopping in front of JMD Square Office Park, “ this is where Malvika works. I wanted to give back this tie..and it would be much better if you would go and do so. Go on then – go and give her the tie,” and he thrust a crumpled tie into Shamik’s hand. “ Tell her that am returning her present and as far as I am concerned it’s all over. And of course the succession is open, the coast is clear. Try to make the most of it. She would like you.”

“ But, my dear friend, I…”

“ What are you waiting for ? Get along !” Sanjay gave him an ill-mannered push which forced Shamik into the doorway of the Kotak Mahindra Bank. Suddenly, the Armani spoke to him giving Shamik a jolt, ‘ God sent opportunity. Just grab it. I promised you that you will have a rocking day. Be nice to her, ask her out to dinner, don’t be stingy.’

In the next few minutes he went through the process of being stimulated through his retina by the smiling front office customer relationship lady and then felt the vibrations of his Armani frame dancing on his bridge . His brain followed his eyes and all the other physical elements as usual followed the brain till he found himself standing in front of Malvika, a senior officer with a cabin.  She gazed at him with curiosity with a nod of faint remembrance, gave him a warm handshake and then signaled Shamik to release his hips into the empty chair opposite her.  In his entire life this is the first time he felt being drawn by such a force to being a follower other than to his brain. She smiled and through his designer embossed glasses, Shamik saw her masculine head with clipped black hair, rather short, cut in a ‘bobbed’ style. Her neck was round, white and strong. Her black dress showed off, below the neck, the shining whiteness of her shoulders. She was punching on her laptop and signaled him to give her a few minutes.

His Armani quietly spoke to him.

‘Fool, look under the table.’

‘How do I stoop ?’ Shamik was playing the quintessential minion to the frame now.

‘Stupid, make your pen fall off. Then stoop down to pick it up and look at her legs.’

‘Oh , shut up ! But what about her legs !’

‘Do as I say and you won’t be sorry.’

‘But why ?’

‘Because your feeling of guilt will be lessened or even completely wiped out by the discovery of the true purpose of this visit to this office.’

‘The true purpose of my visit is to return the tie of Sanjay. Why the hell should I have a guilt feeling ?’

‘No, the true purpose is to see this woman through me and match your earlier imagination with reality and to befriend her. Stoop down then; what are you waiting for ?’

Shamik simply let his pen slip out of his finger to the floor and then it rolled on a few inches. He stooped down to pick it up and paused a moment to look at her legs. The legs beneath the skirt were bare. Because she was sitting with her left leg raised on her right, he could see right up her right knee. He was struck by their glossy, clean, as it were scraped, brilliant white shine, the special shine that is characteristic of Multani Punjabi females.

His Armani prodded him further..

‘Don’t you see that there’s something obscene about those legs ?’

‘Why obscene ?’

‘Because they’re closed.’

He picked up his pen, sat up straight again. But his eyes wanted to see more and Armani prodded him to be more intrepid. He bent down, put out his hand to slip off his right shoe of Bottega Veneta and noiselessly placed it on the carpet. Then he inserted his right foot between the pair of feet resting on the lower bar of the table. He had never behaved like this before in his life. As if with the new spectacle, he had become more brazen and outlandish. He was being least bothered about the consequences.  The two feet were not drawn back, nor did they resist. As his own foot pushed its way in, she arranged her legs to put them at the same straight level. Now he became aware of the hardness of her knees at each side of his ankle. A moment more, and then they too yielded, unhurriedly, with the majestic, enigmatic slowness with which, in the tale of Alibaba, the doors of the treasure cavern moved gradually apart.

All of a sudden, the two thighs, again like the treacherous jaws of a trap, closed upon his ankle, very tightly, in such a way that he could move neither up or down.

Armani encouragingly told him, ‘Don’t be discouraged, the legs will open. Yes, they’ll open all right. Have patience.’

And indeed they did open. But only to dislodge him. All of a sudden the grip was relaxed just enough to allow his foot to fall down into empty space. At that same moment she looked up to have a good look at Shamik and smiled with a “please do wait” plea through her eyes. This is the first time that Shamik watched her face in detail through his bespectacled eyes. It was an energetic, masculine face, with pale cheeks, a large mouth and a delicately modeled nose. Shamik told himself that it was ridiculous and presumptuous of him to have attempted to approach such a prepossessing woman .

After finally finishing fingering her laptop, she began, “ And so you come to our office for the first time, take off your shoe and thrust your foot between the legs of a woman you don’t even know well ?” Her tone was not necessarily hostile. If anything, it was indulgent, amused.

Removing his spectacle, an embarrassed Shamik said, “That doesn’t often happen with me. This was an exceptional case.”

“What was exceptional about it ?”

“I don’t know. Your legs, perhaps.”

“In me it’s the legs that are exceptional, in another woman it would be the bosom, in another the bottom – isn’t that so ?”

“Yes, it’s a bit like that, but ?”

“You are in fact, one of those men who get into buses and stand close against women in order to brush their breasts and touch them.”

“Yes, that used to happen too, but..”

“Who look through keyholes at women undressing in their bathrooms.”

“I did that in my school days.”

“And I will bet you go to sleazy areas and ogle at girls at the joints of Walking Street in Pattaya.”

“Well, that maybe true too, however, …”

“In fact , you’re always ready to take on an adventure, and it doesn’t much matter who it’s with, provided it’s a woman.”

“Only in part.”

“Anyhow you admit that you’re a certain species of man ?”

“What do you mean by ‘a certain species of man’?”

“The sex-maniac type, enterprising to the point of being a lunatic, but not all that successful; or am I wrong ?”

“Not altogether unsuccessful. Successful – so, so.”

“ So, so ? ”

“Apart from a car EMI, I don’t have any other debt. ”

“Aren’t you deceiving yourself ?”

Ït was clear that she was amusing herself behind his back.

Shamik said firmly , “I am not what you think I am.”

“I don’t think anything. I go by appearances and by facts.”

“Well, how do you like my specs ?”

“That’s an odd question.”

“You can see, it’s an Armani. I actually bought this frame earlier this week and took delivery an hour back.”

“So ?”

“May I tell you something in confidence ?”

“A secret ?”

“Yes, because the thing it refers to is also secret ?”

“Of course, Shamik, you may. I remember you are Sanjay’s friend.”

“Well, this Armani controls me and my libido. You understand me, don’t you ?”

“You must explain yourself more clearly. I thought you told me that you took your Armani only an hour back. The only thing I see which stands out is its vibrant green colour. ”

“This Armani, because of its being at the right place of my body is directly attached to my mind and continuously sends signals through my mind for different behaviors  of mine. Armani does not feel to have any discretion. He is not restricted by anything.”

“A fascinating story.”

“In reality co-exist inside me two persons : I and Armani.”

“What an odd idea ! As if ‘Armani’ justifies all your behavior and the machinations of your dirty mind. You have started making deductions on a new found one hour co-existence. ”

“ Its like love at first sight. It speaks to me when out of earshot of everyone. He is also very arrogant. He has made me grow by almost two inches in the last couple of hours.”

“ Are you a sleazebag ! Come one, there is a limit to bluffing, Shamik. Right now I feel that the slippers covering my feet can be named as ‘Rottweiler Slap’ and ‘Rottweiler Shove’. Have you heard of the Rottweiler brand ? ”

“ I believe in the beauty of nature and you are a fine specimen of that. Right now my Armani is telling me to bend forward and implant a kiss on your lips.”

“Are you married ?”

“Not yet.”

“ Now that explains it.”

For a moment she was silent, staring at Shamik with those enigmatic, inhuman eyes with their dilated, unseeing pupils. She seemed to be reflecting. Then, with a penetration, that was almost frightening to him she said,  “Lets wipe out the memory of what happened here a while ago. Do you agree or not ?”

Suddenly something inside him seemed to be torn from top to bottom, like the back cloth of a theatre during an open-air performance, struck by a gust of wind in a thunderstorm. And there he was, transported in a second by the same gust of wind, clutching her hands, bringing his lips down towards her palms in an effort to kiss them. A very hard blow from her struck Shamik, with outrageous violence, full in the face. She, not content with the slap, dealt him a kick under the table with the fake Rottweiler brand, not angrily but with contempt.

Then she said seriously in a dry, unpleasant manner, “Stand up and get out. I will call the security if you are here for another minute.”

She meant it.

Shamik was perspiring by now. He took off his specs and said, “ Sorry. Am not like this. Believe me. Fuck off, Armani. By the way Sanjay gave this to me, and told me to convey to you that he is breaking – off the relationship.” He put the crumpled tie on her table.

It was expected that she would make some sort of comment on Sanjay’s behaviour. But Malvika remained silent , gazing at him with curiosity. She had cooled off a bit and sat down.

“ And so you’re pleased that Sanjay and me have parted” said Malvika while returning her eyes on to her laptop.

“ Really,” stammered Shamik, “ Really, I….”

“ You couldn’t believe it was true,” went on Malvika, without even looking at him, “ But I seem to see the whole thing…The moment Sanjay told you that everything was over between us, you chuckled with joy and came rushing up here …thinking that this was the best possible moment. Isn’t that so ?”

“ I swear you’re mistaken,” said Shamik with some energy. But he was no longer so sure. Was it really true that she was mistaken ? He put his specs back on his nose.

“ Last time we saw each other , with Sanjay…in that restaurant..you never for one moment stopped pressing my foot under the table. You practically ruined one of my shoes.”

Shamik, at this, remained silent for some little time. He remembered that Sanjay and Malvika had sat opposite him on a sofa against the wall. But he was absolutely sure he had not intentionally pressed Malvika’s foot. Perhaps, without meaning to , he might have kicked against it under the table. It was more likely – as had already occurred to him – that Malvika had invented the whole story in order to make Sanjay jealous. But his demeanour today would further strengthen her story.

Provoked by Armani, he found himself to take a frivolous, rakish line. “ Oh well, then, since you’re so positive about it, let’s admit that I pressed your foot under the table. What comes next ?”

Armani, at that moment, advised Shamik, ‘ Go up and take her hand. But no abruptness. Then request her for a dinner date. Old-fashioned ways are always the best.’

With an effort Shamik leaned forward and threaded his gaze into her deep eyes, then took her hand. Without leaving her to recover from her surprise, Shamik asked her, “ What about having dinner at Ocean Basket at 8 pm today ?”

“ Ok. See you then. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Armani danced with glee and Shamik nodded excitedly. Then with a gesture of her hand she dismissed him.

Shamik dressed up nattily and went ten minutes before the scheduled time. Malvika made her way slowly with an off-shoulder dress and high heels. She smiled at him and went in. She refused the offer to be seated by the staff and made her way passing by the tables. She appeared to be looking for something or somebody. When she reached the far end of the restaurant, she beckoned to Shamik, as much as to say : ‘ I’ve found what I wanted.’

At that corner there were two tables – four seaters. On one of them was seated Sanjay and a woman. The other one was free and Malvika had already sat down at it. Shamik stooped forward and said in a low voice , “ Lets go away..I see Sanjay’s here.”

“ A pleasant discovery,” she answered. She was pretending to examine the menu, her head lowered.

“ Let’s go to Splendid – they serve awesome oriental cuisine,” suggested Shamik, thinking the idea of an expensive restaurant might entice her.

She lifted her head and stared at him with feigned astonishment.” Why ?” she said, “It’s perfectly all right here.” So there was nothing for him to do but sit down. The two tables were right opposite one another and it was impossible for the four people occupying them not to look at each other.

Shamik was by this time fully conscious of being nothing but a pawn in the game of Malvika’s jealousy, and there was no knowing how long it was since this game had begun.

While Malvika was busy ordering without bothering to ask him his preferences, Shamik decided that he might as well take a frank look at the companion of Sanjay. Sanjay was sitting sideways, so that he saw him in a profile. But the woman sat directly opposite him towards his right. Black-haired, she had a blunt face with small narrow eyes. Her nose was broad at the nostrils, her mouth with its scornful expression and corners turned downwards, gave her face an air of virility. She had ample shoulders and a very well-formed bosom tightly swathed in the black chiffon of her low-necked dress. What stuck him most in her face was a savage unmoving expression. Beside this woman, Sanjay looked fragile and wan, and even Malvika appeared femininely slender. He was startled from his thoughts by a sharp kick from Malvika. “ Do you know who that woman is ?” she said in her normal voice so that Sanjay can hear her. “ She is Tina, a bar singer who croons at different parties and also in some of the night clubs. Do you think she is attractive ?”

“ No,” answered Shamik, lowering his voice.

Just then Armani sprang to life and said, ‘ Hi there , what’s the hurry ? Don’t shift your eyes so fast; stop, let me look, let me see, what the devil ! She is so attractive.’

‘ Why, she has such a bunt face and exaggerated shape that she looks positively monstrous.’

‘ That maybe so, but you know you have a weakness for anything that is convex, round, protuberant, spherical, superabundant.’

‘ Stop ogling. I don’t want her to get a mistaken idea of me.’

‘ A mistaken idea ?’

‘ Yes, I mean it, mistaken.’

Just then Tina raised her eyes to glance at Shamik and he found his face covered by a blush of shame.

Their food arrived to the rescue of Shamik. He could not help being amazed by the healthy appetite of Malvika. Once she had done with her margarita and plate of pork ribs, she pushed the plate away saying loudly, “ And now we’ll go home.”

“ Do you want me to come to your apartment to drop you ?” Shamik asked while requesting for the cheque.

“ Definitely, I always liked you. You are not a scoundrel like my other boy friend. You’re a gentleman- anyone can see that.”

There was a band playing at the corner. A guy was singing a Kishore number. Once he was through, Sanjay walked over and spoke to him. Then he spoke to his date of the evening. She tried to protest, but in the end agreed. Then she went up the stage, gazing into the void with her strange , small black eyes , waited for a moment, motionless. Then she started to sing a Rabindrasangeet in Hindi..Agnimayee Parashmani. Her voice had that Usha Uthup quality of being harsh, warm, rich in inflexions that were at the same time disdainful and sensual. Shamik, at first was surprised, then admiring and finally moved. The diners had stopped talking among themselves and were listening in silence. She came to the end of her song, took a bow and made to her seat in the midst of a hearty applause.

Shamik settled the bill and went out. Malvika got in her car and let him kiss her on her neck. Then she drove on Golf Course road and asked him for a cigarette. His not having any caused them to stop the car in front of a shop and Shamik got down to buy a packet.

Armani began whispering the usual absurdities, ‘Light her cigarette, move sideways to touch her left nipple when you do so. She is taking you to sleep with her. Its prudent that you make her conscious of your admiration, of your desire.’

She drove into a large middle class apartment complex, parked in an assigned slot and catching his hand took the lift to the 3^rd floor to unlock a door. Opening it, she exclaimed “ Why , look at that ! What are you doing here ?”

In the drawing room, Shamik saw the singer, Tina sitting on a chair and Sanjay sat on the spread -out sofa with an air of ill-humour with a sceptical, impudent smile and a cigarette from his lips.

Malvika went straight up to him and took up her position besides him with her hand on his shoulder, in an act of defiance. Sanjay, just like a bad film actor, took a long pull at his cigarette, let forth a cloud of smoke and then said, with an affected drawl : “ Splendid, splendid, that’s really splendid.. So I was quite right, wasn’t I eh ?..You were just longing for it. A fine sort of friend, I must say…”

Shamik felt himself blushing as he sat down on the opposite sofa. It was not so much that he had been caught in the act, as that he now found himself in a position of inferiority in relation to a man he despised. Forcing himself to a tone of resentment, he said : “ In any case, I’m not your friend .”

“ Well, what then ?” said Sanjay dramatically.

“ Furthermore,” went on Shamik, “ Malvika is not your wife. She’s free to go with anyone she likes. She asked me to come up here and I came.”

“ Is that true ?” demanded Sanjay, turning to Malvika.

It was all turning out exactly like a scene in a film. Malvika burst out with a vehement contradiction. “ No, its not true, he’s a liar. It was he who kept on insisting. I didn’t in the least want him to come…he forced his way in.” She had taken Sanjay’s hand and had enclasped it strongly.

“ So, you’re a liar too. Anyway this is the flat where both of us stay together,” said Sanjay with a mocking laugh.

Tina now got up from the sofa and went over to  Shamik, sat beside him and, placing a hand on his shoulder whispered in an unknown language which sounded like Nepali, which he interpreted as : ‘Let it be..You’d better go away.’

‘ This is the moment, dumbo. She is feeling sorry for you. Draw her close,’ was the ruling of his spectacle.

Armani now moved his hand blindly towards the singer, landed it on her knee, moved it upwards towards her lap and finally was conscious of the back of her hand under his palm. Then Shamik took hold of it and squeezed. Armani managed forcibly to bring the two clasped hands from her knees to Shamik’s. She made a slight movement of opposition; Armani overcame it by pulling her hand right on top of Shamik’s and forcibly placed her hand on his organ. It had started growing and swelling and stiffening in an embarrassing manner.  She was breathing heavily, sighing and grasping his penis tightly on top of his jeans, as if she was trying to break him. Sanjay appeared to be enjoying the spectacle. Malvika darted a killing look at Shamik every now, which he pretended not to notice.

With unexpected mildness, Sanjay said : “ Don’t be angry, there’s no harm done. We’ll go on being friends just the same…After all, its only human, you were attracted by Malvika..But now you can go with this Assamesee-Nepali singer, Tina. I’ve talked to her about you, and she likes the look of you…Tina, you can have him as your boyfriend.” He made an expressive gesture with his hand.

But Tina shrugged her shoulders and answered him with a remark that was contemptuous and cutting in its tone, as though to make him understand that she was accepting no advice from him and would act on her own initiative.

Sanjay started laughing and Malvika, sure now of getting what she wanted, let go of his hand, went round behind the sofa to the bar to make herself a drink.

Tina grasped Shamik’s hand and saying Goodbye went out of the door. She entered the lift and went up to the 7^th floor. She opened a door which led to a cramped two bedroom apartment, shabbily furnished.

She made him sit on a chair and said, “ Really you are a silly, headless boy. Didn’t you realise that Malvika was not thinking of anyone but of Sanjay the whole time ?”

She went to the bathroom and came out wearing only her pantie. The woman had short, thick legs , so short and thick, indeed, that they made  you think her feet were attached to her knees. Her buttocks were flat, her belly large and protuberant, with the navel sunk deeply in the flesh. Armani forced Shamik to get naked to show off his hard erection and he then put off his spectacle on the tea table to pull off his tee. She took hold of his hand and sat down, without noticing, on the same table, making a crunching sound of breaking the frame with her bulk. She stood and gazed for a moment at the mangled frame with broken glasses and then, swelling out her chest as though with a sudden inspiration, began to sing.

Shamik had no desire to have sex anymore with his penis returning to be a ‘ peck in the wood’.