Pampa stood at the edge of the ‘ Ganga’ at Shyamnagar. She threw a stone in the water to create a ripple. It constantly amazed her that the ripple formed by her act becomes larger and larger. So much more than the original impact. Tomorrow she is getting married. She had to leave her clay idol of Karthik behind. Karthik, the warrior God, the son of Durga. She had created the bust with the thin moustache, learning the trade from her father, a craftsman who runs their family by making idols of various Gods and Goddesses. Pampa is the eldest of the siblings and her father is convinced that the groom he has selected will get her a good life. Pampa believed in her father but was apprehensive. Though she liked the masculinity of her about-to-be husband, she did not like the looks of her would be in-laws. They were gaping at her and her would be father in-law had a lustful smile. Pampa spoke to her Karthik one last time. Yes, her idol talks to her, listens to her, protects her. She then immersed him in water with a heavy heart. Tomorrow she would be getting married.

From a lower middle class family, Pampa went to stay at a middle class. She was five feet six inches, busty and strong, dark in complexion with a chiselled face and dark eyes. Her eyes sparkled and it set her apart from the rest. She got bored in chatting with the neighbours and the other wives. She had did her graduation.The judgemental mindset did not change much with the change of place from Shyamnagar to Naihati. Her husband, Mainak was immersed in her beauty for the initial six months, temporarily forgetting his alcohol addiction. He used to work in an e-commerce company as a delivery man, was given a bike on loan by his employer and was the ever-obedient son of his parents.

Her father in-law, Apurba was the powerhouse behind the family. He was in his mid fifties, quite strong and tall and whenever he was in the house he was bare-chested with a knotted lungi. He ran a grocery store , the only large one on this part of the town, had three employees and wielded enough power in the community to have politicians woo him during elections. He used to make constant eye contact with Pampa and she could hear the butterflies in her stomach whenever he was at an arms length from her. He used to touch her while taking the cup of tea, or while taking the pressed dhoti from her. Once when she was changing after bath, he was unabashedly watching her from behind the door. When Pampa noticed, he laughed and said, “ No wonder, my son wakes up late nowadays.” Then he nonchalantly walked off as if he had every right of ownership over all his dependents. In summer, he used to take his bath outside, wearing an almost transparent gamcha and sometimes fancied Pampa to scrub his back with soap.

Pampa’s mother in-law was a mundanely crooked minded woman, whose life was contained with finding faults in cooking, in household work of Pampa, in gossiping with neighbours and watching serials on TV. She was in awe of her husband and remained silent whenever he was in the house. As soon as Apurba went off , her chatterbox started on cue. Besides them, Pampa had a young sister in-law, Mishti who was hardly thirteen, studied in high school and spent the remaining of her time chatting with friends of both sexes. Pampa liked her, she was quite independent minded and asked Pampa endless questions about desires, arousal and orgasm. Mishti used to dress a bit out of context of the middle class surroundings, sometimes wearing high heels and skimpy tops and she cared a fig about what her mother and others said.  In spite of all the negativities surrounding her, Pampa was grateful to her in-laws for not taking any dowry at the time of marriage. In fact small money was never a problem in that house and Pampa had the liberty to indulge in small luxuries like a lipstick, perfume, visiting a beauty parlour and buying a fancied saree.

That was how it continued for the first four years with a minor change. One was her husband started drinking heavily, became less and less interested in her and lost his stiffness soon after entering her. Pampa was a timid person and they never had serious arguments. In fact they hardly had things to talk about and for the last three years they had never gone to a movie hall. Only Mishti pulled along Pampa to see movies at the nearby cinema hall.

Pampa had been married for four years now – and still nothing. Her relatives felt pity and compassion for her; it was not usual for women to be barren in a large family, where children had always abounded. Every woman on her side and her husband’s side of the family had children. Lots of children! Big-eyed curly-haired boys and girls, in all sizes; they called her auntie, and it made her feel sick at her age of twenty seven. She did not feel any hatred towards them; rather, it was the comments and reproaches of her husband and mother-in-law that had turned her into a taciturn woman. Out of boredom she started making idols again. She went to her home and got some ingredients and tools from her father. In a corner of their house, were there was a long parapet, she set up her workshop. Her husband pulled her leg over her work and made fun of her in front of his mother and sister. Apurba did not join in that. He actually took a keen interest in what Pampa was doing and started giving constructive suggestions. During Jhulon, he made Pampa set up a stall in front of his grocery store and they sold all the idols she had made during the past six months. During those three days, she made more money than what Mainak earned in two months. After that no one joked about Pampa’s work. The only continued criticism was her being barren.

It was the first Sunday of October, with that typical weather of Durga Puja, when even the cauliflower looked a beauty, a soft and restless day that took people out of their houses . The sky glowed with a gentle radiance. The birds in Naihati chirped lazily. The only cloud in the sky was a delicately curled white shell that floated upward for a moment, then melted into the ether. Apurva asked Pampa to accompany him to Kolkata. He also took Mishti along. They would go shopping to New Market. Mainak as usual was still in bed, sleeping off his hangover. He reeked of cheap alcohol all the time and nowadays have started taken money from Pampa’s earning of selling custom made idols. She was making idols of Bhim now and were selling like hot cakes.

The private bus was crowded but all three of them somehow got into it, crammed and breathing with their noses pushed upward. Sweaty people were pushing right through. The outside weather did not pervade the inside of the rickety bus.

“Does the conductor think he’s got chickens  here? How many more will he stuff in the same cage ? ” someone said. The voices gathered some momentum but died soon after, as is the norm on the streets of the city. Luckily Mishti got a seat. Then at the next stop the person sitting next to Mishti also got up to get off. Pampa gratefully sat down. Mishti had plugged her earphone on to her mobile. However, Pampa’s joy was short lived. Looking up, she saw a pregnant woman getting on. She elbowed her sister in-law.

“Mishti, get up.”

Mishti pulled the earphones out of her ears.

“What?”

Pampa nodded at the pregnant woman. “Give the woman your seat.”

Mishti stared at Pampa, her eyes wide.

“Are you crazy, boudi? You want me squashed up against all those people in this skirt?”

With a sigh of defeat, she reached for the handrail to pull herself up.

“You’ve always got some excuse, haven’t you?” she said.

“That’s just how it is, boudi,” Mishti replied. “They don’t pay attention to older women,” she added in a bright, friendly tone.

Pampa looked at Mishti. She saw her put the earphones back in her ears, immediately forgetting what she’d said, before turning back to the window.

Pampa looked forward. She saw the pregnant woman trying to squeeze up next to the rail. She waved for her to come over. As the woman tried to make her way through the mass of people, she cursed the general opprobrium that would have resulted had she given Mishti’s tanned cheek a hearty slap. She suddenly caught the eye of her father in-law. He was now standing, supported by a rod of the bus and smiled at her. He must have overheard their conversation.

“Thank you,” said the pregnant woman.

“ This is the least one can do for you,” Pampa answered with a smile that concealed her discomfort at finding herself pinned back by an eight-month belly. The pregnant woman sat down in the seat with a sigh. Mishti didn’t even notice. Pampa tried to spread her feet a little so she could get better balance during the bus’s lurching movements.

She looked at Mishti angrily. From above, her sister in-law’s breasts looked larger and perkier. She wondered where that body had come from. No wonder those morons are fighting over her, she thought, remembering the persistent phone calls from two of Mishti’s schoolmates. She thought she was a goddess. What that girl needed was to be put in her place. She was only seventeen after all. When she was her age, Pampa had been pretty too, and not just pretty. Most of all she had been rebellious. But she put up with the slaps without complaint. It was hardly another century. Just a decade back.

Was it the stink of all those people pressed together, or was she about to faint? As she used her sandal to block the advance of the person next to her, she suddenly realised it is her father in-law who is pushing her. Either she had to move a little to the side to make way for his importunate body apparently trying to make more room for itself, or she had to squeeze up against the pregnant woman. She decided to push against the elderly woman to her left. She had no choice but to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m being pushed.”

“So sorry. I’m being pushed as well, ” her father in-law relied gently in her ears. Then he smiled flirtatiously at her. His insistent elbow at her left hip kept on nudging her.

The elderly woman had a quizzical expression on her face.

“Is he bothering you?”

“Who?” Pampa asked.

“The man behind you.”

Pampa shook her head in amusement. “No.” She looked back over her shoulder.

Her father in-law winked at her.

A second later she felt something gently brushing against her salwar, as though looking for a response. She couldn’t avoid it. Or she didn’t want to. Feeling suffocated, she looked at Mishti. Now her head movements, entirely oblivious to reality, seemed utterly innocent. She thought with delight about a hypothetical, impossible conversation once they’d got off the bus: Mishti, amazed, open-mouthed, unable to believe her ears: So they don’t pay attention to older women? she was saying. Touching thirty and you’ve still got it, Pampa, she told herself proudly as she leaned back a little to increase the pressure on her buttocks. She thought she could feel father in-law’s hot breath on her neck. She was sighing. Her nipples hardened. She sensed an annoying gaze to her left. The old woman knew what was going on. It was her fault for poking her nose where it wasn’t wanted. The pregnant woman started to fan herself with her hand. Pampa was sweating, but it wasn’t just because of the heat. She thought that if she fainted, she’d collapse into her father in-law’s arms.

A movement from Mishti put her on guard. Mishti tilted her head, asking if she was OK. Pampa wondered if her face was redolent with the wellbeing she saw in the mirror on Sundays when she looked at herself naked after a snatched moment of romance with her hands. She smiled to reassure her, trying to show that she was still there. Mishti looked back out of the window.

Pampa concentrated on what was going on behind her. Was it possible that her father in-law was pleasuring himself with her like this? She just had to conceal the enjoyment and the surreptitious movements against each other. She raised both arms to grab the handle dangling from the ceiling, wrists together in a submissive pose just for him, closed her eyes and just then she heard cursing from the back of the bus. The pressure against her body was gone and the old woman’s elbow was digging into her ribs.

Pampa heard murmuring all around her. She looked towards the door. A pickpocket was getting off the bus and hands were striking him at his back. He got off by balancing his body out from the speeding bus.

That day her father in-law bought her a gold chain. He dropped them to new market and picked them up in front of the erstwhile Globe cinema hall in two hours. He had given Pampa cash of four thousands, before going off to the wholesale market at Howrah. For the first time, Pampa bought clothes for her parents. When he returned he gave the chain discreetly to Pampa.

With all the goodies, Pampa went to her parents for staying overnight. When she came back to Naihati, her mother-in-law and her husband weren’t in and her father-in-law was on the bed, bare chested with his lungi drawn up to his knees. She asked where the others were – he only muttered unintelligibly to the effect that her husband had taken his mother and sister to his maternal home at Belur and they will returning the next day. Pampa had her dinner and went to lie down by throwing a mattress on the floor.

She was woken by Apurva’s alcoholic breath and he was crushing her completely with the weight of his body. She couldn’t resist in any way, not even by screaming. He had covered her mouth with his huge hand and helplessly she looked into his tanned hard face. When he had finished, he stood over her and told her she mustn’t tell anyone – anyway, they wouldn’t believe her. He slammed the door shut and she could only hear the clock clanging in time with the beating of her frightened heart.

She felt as if she had been drained and hardly slept. Her husband came back the next day and she wanted to tell him everything, but had no strength left in her, and she spent the rest of the day and night staring into emptiness her thoughts, fear and humiliation mingled with the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

The old man continued to ignore her and touch her, just as he had before, but her mother-in-law looked on with a smile as she threw up in the mornings and as her curves grew nicely. The smile returned to her husband’s dark face and he was kinder and more generous to her. He came back home early nowadays and reduced his drinking. The neighbours finally had something to talk about, while Pampa, Mishti and her mother-in-law prepared the baby’s outfits and discussed what name to give it.

Out of a whim she again started making idols of Bhim. She made comical ones with a realistic big club ( gada). She made quite a few pieces but one of them had got the kindness in its eyes which fascinated her. She made a special platform for it, rounded it well and made its gada glisten with golden colour.

She gave birth to a son; they named him Arjun.  Pampa , suppressed the strange repulsion she felt towards the baby and took it into her arms. Her son looked at her innocently but smirked malignantly as he narrowed his eyes to look at her in-laws standing by her side. She quickly laid him back in his crib and shied away. Nobody noticed and everybody milled around and smiled at him; it was only she who saw that he was different from the other new born babies, and that he was watching her with his coal-black, kind eyes. When she came back home from the nursing home, she put the Bhim next to the crib. The child clasped the Bhim with his tender, small fingers and gave her a look of gratitude. Over the next four months, the toy became inseparable from Arjun.

In the night, when everybody was asleep, a noise woke her. She sat up in bed and looked around: she discovered with shock that the child was clutching his Bhim and  standing next to her bed with an eerie sneer on the face of Bhim, while looking down at Mainak, who was sleeping with his mouth wide open. She was surprised to find that the doll had teeth. He gave a sinister snigger and then the child scampered back to his crib. She screamed until everybody woke up in alarm; they sleepily switched on the lights and asked her what had happened. She told them tearfully what she had seen. Her husband suspected that she had dreamed it, and her mother-in-law rushed to have a look at the baby, who was sleeping innocently with Bhim by the side.  As it started to whimper and then cry, the old woman took it into her arms and comforted it.

One day, Pampa was breast feeding her child. The child was suckling peacefully but all of a sudden was pushed by Bhim, who was on his lap. To her utter amazement she saw Bhim slowly put his lips on her nipple and started suckling just like her child. She was shocked out of her senses and got hurt by the hard clay lips of the doll.  She pushed him away onto the blanket at the foot of the bed and complained in tears that the child had bitten her. The mother-in-law picked up the baby and passed her finger over its toothless gums. Her daughter-in-law must be wrong. She chided her and everybody came to the conclusion that Pampa had cut herself on purpose so as not to have to breastfeed. The old woman decided that she would feed the baby goat’s  milk and told Pampa that she would look after her grandson herself . The grandmother took the child to bed with her and her husband; and so that night came to a close.

Nobody spoke to Pampa the next day. The young woman felt miserable. She didn’t know what to do, how to tell them everything that had happened and that the Bhim was actually a sin which she had created; that he was actually the child’s little helper in a disguise and the child knew who his biological father is.

Barely a week later they found the old woman dead. She lay in bed with her eyes open wide, and the child giggled next to her waving its arms and legs in the air. Bhim was looking at her with victory in his eyes. Pampa knew that Bhim had somehow terrorised her mother in-law into a heart attack.

During the following night Pampa decided to stay awake and keep an eye on the child. When it thought everybody was asleep, Arjun and Bhim slowly climbed out of the crib and scuttled over to the floor. The child and Bhim then started speaking in a strange language with animated gestures of their hands. Bhim then walked across to her husband’s bedside. She pretended she was sleeping but watched the creature through her eyelashes to see what would happen. Bhim’s hands showed enormous strength to pull the pillow from under the man’s head and pushed it down on his face. The doll then used its gada to beat the pillow and keep it pressed. It had such strength that even when the man was kicking and trying to pull the pillow off, it still held him down and the man gradually became weaker. Pampa jumped up and tried to tear the pillow out of the doll’s hands. Its strength was tremendous: it pushed her over and continued to smother her husband. She picked up a chair and hit the doll on the head. It started to squeak and slowly retraced its steps to the crib. The child sat up and looked at his mother with a loathsome look. Her husband recovered after sometime and looked at her with a hollowed look, unable to comprehend what had happened. Mainak had drank so much last night , that he thought he was still in a stupor and went back to sleep.

Pampa took Bhim in a bag the next day and went off to Ganga to tie up a stone and immerse it. She came back to find her eight month old child running a high temperature and shivering in the summer heat. Panicked, she called Mainak and they took the child to a paediatrician. Surprisingly in the clinic the child starting acting his age, giggling with no sign of any illness. The doctor administered some mild vitamin syrups and dismissed them.

That night, Pampa was woken up by the sound of shouting from Apurva. Pampa rushed to the other room and switched on the lights. Her father in-law was naked and fighting with a knife in his hand against a huge gada. There was no figure behind the gada, much like the movie of Mr. India. She heard a familiar smirk and saw her child standing like an adult, partly hidden by a curtain and giving directions with his hands for the movement of the gada. In the commotion Mishti and Mainak were also woken up and came scampering across. Then they witnessed an awful scene. In a swing the gada crushed the genitals of Pampa’s father-in law. Apurva dropped the knife in pain and sat down clutching his crotch. Job done, the gada escaped into the darkness and Arjun returned to his crib. Mainak called for an ambulance. Apurva’s genitals were of no use anymore. The doctor that night did an emergency operation and put an urinary catheter.

After this act, the gada was never to be seen. Arjun smiled whenever she took him to her breasts. He tried to whisper in her ears. Pampa heard clear words , “ I have avenged for you.”  The sentence was not a babble.